What happens
Nobody tells you what actually happens, so here it is.
The two things people say put them off most are not knowing what they will have to say, and being embarrassed. Neither improves by being vague about it.
Getting in touch the first time
Email or phone, whichever is easier. Email is not a second-best option here and you will not be thought less of for using it. Some people find a first phone call with a stranger genuinely impossible, and that is a bad reason not to get counselling.
Either way it takes about fifteen minutes and costs nothing. I will ask roughly what has brought you, whether you have had counselling before, and what times suit. You can ask me anything. At the end, one of us says yes or no. If I am not the right person I will say so and suggest where else to look.
The room, described properly
Getting in. Ground floor, one step-free entrance from the street. There is a buzzer with my name on it. Press it and I come down; you will not be left standing.
Waiting. There is no waiting room and no receptionist. You will not have to say who you are in front of anybody. If you are early, you are welcome to sit in your car or walk round the block, and I will not think anything of it.
Light. One window facing north, no overhead fluorescents. A lamp in the corner, which you are welcome to switch off. The window has a blind if the light is too much.
Sound. Quiet. Some traffic noise from the street. No music, no clock ticking, no air conditioning hum.
Smell. Nothing added. No candles, no diffusers, no air freshener. I do not wear perfume.
Seating. Two armchairs at an angle rather than facing each other, and a hard chair if you would rather have one. You choose where to sit. There is a clock behind you so you do not have to watch it, and a blanket you are welcome to use.
Toilet. On the same floor, ten steps away, and you can use it mid-session without explaining.
The first session
Fifty minutes. I will say a little about confidentiality, and then I will ask what you would like to use the time for. That is the whole structure.
You do not have to start at the beginning and you do not have to start with the worst thing. If you sit and say nothing for the first ten minutes that is allowed, and it happens more than you would think. If it helps to bring notes on your phone and read from them, do that. If you would rather I asked you questions than left silences, say so at the start and I will.
You can stim, fidget, pace, knit, doodle, keep your coat on, or look out of the window the entire time. None of it is a problem and none of it will be interpreted at you.
Confidentiality, and its limits
What you say stays between us. I keep brief written notes, held securely and separately from your name, and I discuss my work in supervision without identifying you.
There are limits, and you should know them before you start rather than after. I may have to pass something on if I believe there is a serious risk to your life or to someone else's, particularly a child, or if the law requires it. Wherever I possibly can, I will talk to you about it first.
How often, and for how long
Usually weekly, at the same time each week, because a predictable slot does some of the work on its own. Some people come fortnightly.
There is no fixed number of sessions. Some people come for six weeks and some for two years. We look at how it is going after about six sessions, and again whenever either of us thinks we should.
How it ends
You can stop whenever you like and you do not owe me an explanation. What I would ask, where you can manage it, is that you come to one last session to end it properly rather than not turning up. Endings are worth doing well and are often the most useful hour of the lot.
Online sessions
The same fifty minutes over an encrypted video call on [platform]. It works better than most people expect, and it is the right answer if you are rural, without a car, sensitive to unfamiliar buildings, or would simply rather not sit in a room in your own town.
You can keep your camera off. Some people do for the first few weeks and some for the whole time. You need somewhere you will not be overheard, and headphones help. I will send the link the day before.
Between sessions
Email me to change an appointment. I am not a crisis service and I do not read email in the evenings or at weekends, so please use the urgent help page if you need somebody before your next session.